i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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