he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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