Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
