it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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