I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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