I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize