I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
