Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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