tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
