This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
