Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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