haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
