In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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