my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
