I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
