If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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