Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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