I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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