Walk of Shame. In a state park.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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