You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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