One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
