the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
