Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
