I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
