i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
