You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
