I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
