shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
