YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
