We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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