Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
