I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
