Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
