I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
