I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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