Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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