So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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