She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
