My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
