I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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