My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
