I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
