forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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