Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
