she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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