***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is Oprah even human
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
