I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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