so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
