Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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