there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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