Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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