You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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