Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
