You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
