I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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