In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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