Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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