you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
