I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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