we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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