Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there's paper in my vomit.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
