I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
