oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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